haha.

Yep, I bet you all knew I just couldn't stay away. 

So how's life you may be wondering? 

It's better.

I've just begun what I like to call my "rise from the ashes." After crashing my best friends car, my gpa falling only slightly but enough to make me want to punch something, the tension between my current love interest aka boyfriend dying down, and just having the worst semester that can ever be even imaginable, things are definitely starting to look up. I didn't think I could get to this point. That I COULD be happy again and actually be able to walk into a room with my head held high. That I COULD find a way to be okay with what I have done, what has happened, and what mistakes I can't take back. And although it's been rough to say the least, I am getting better. I have things to distract me and put my whole heart into. You can only learn from your mistakes, and I don't think I would be the same person right now had I not been a complete tard.

SO on to these new goals and things to accomplish in 2011, which I know you are all dying to know.

Numbero uno, and probably the most significant at least to me, I'm going to run a half marathon. I would say that I want to run a marathon but first I need to see if I can survive half of it. And besides, I am kind of young to get a place in a marathon (as in if I try to run for the Chicago Marathon, I probably won't be old enough).

Number Two. I'm gonna try to stop being so negative all the time. Life is truly too short to waste on being sad, upset, stressed or any of that. I am going to try and stop complaining, whining, and all these negative qualities that keep me from being the best me. I know it's going to be hard but I have to be vigilant if I want results.

Number Three. I will smile more. I need to work on my tension and just relax and eventually this will be what people know me for.

Number Four. I am going to try to be nice to everyone I meet. So often I get behind these ideas and just forget to actually get to KNOW the person before judging them. I'm not going to bad talk anyone, well I will try and I will give people a chance before deciding if they are worth my time.

Number Five. I will get my GPA up again. Even if that means restless nights.

Number Six. I will improve on my performing skills.

Number Seven. I won't sorry for doing things that make me happy, even if they make others not so happy. 

Number Eight. I will be happy with the way I look and be CONFIDENT.

Number Nine. I will read 100 books.

and Number Ten. I will get a little in Alpha chi. :)

I know it seems like a lot, but hey someone's got to dream big. I hope this gets you to think of what you want to accomplish this year and no it is never to late to make some resolutions of your own.

--Z

The end of blogging???

So marks the "end" of my English class requirement of this blog. It has been fun and I hope that you have enjoyed reading the randomness of my thoughts. Yet, I am undecided. Should this mark the end of my blog? Or should I continue with my thoughts on the day?

Either way, I have enjoyed writing these posts. But before i can go here are two sites that you must visit.

1st:  STUMBLEUPON. Literally this site has changed my life as I have found the most random things on the internet. All you do is sign up and put your interests and they will show it. SO visit it.

HERE!

2nd: REVISIT YOUR MYSPACE HERE! They have changed stuff...and it's always good to revisit old memories, photos, etc. IF you want...you could read mine....it was more interesting before I edited it but I do have some old pictures there its under Blanca Ashley. 

Adios!

-Z

OH and P.S. If you are a Harry Potter fan...you must check this out.. It makes my life.

Cheers to the seniors...

So I'm not sure if any of you know this but I am part of Alpha Chi Omega Upsilon Chapter at Millikin University. And tonight was our first night of senior week. Now you are probably wondering why is she talking about this. Well it's not for me that I am talking about this. It's for my big. 

My big is a senior this year and because she is music education, this will be her last semester at Millikin. And I'm happy for her, truly. But it's already hard. Already I am thinking about the rest of my years here without her. She has been my confidante in the face of unceasing doubts, a friend, my sister, and most of all there when I needed someone most. And all I can think about is Millikin without her and Alpha Chi without her. I am going to miss her dearly, BUT I know she is leaving and moving on to bigger and better things where she WILL make a difference.

SO night I dedicate this blog to all the seniors out there about ready to take their first steps into the real world and I leave you with this piece of advice:

“"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." 

I know that its scary to be moving on, because let’s face it who knows what is going to happen beyond college when you are out in the real world, but know that its all starting for you. You are beginning a new chapter in your life. You are moving on to bigger and better things and just know we will be here amazed in all that you accomplish. I will be here cheering you on and watching you shine. So class of 2013, as is our motto at Alpha Chi, seek the heights and do the best that you can everyday. And most importantly, smile because you’re driving into the sunset into the great unknown, and life is just starting for you. 

--Z

Vespers and other things..

Vespers...check.
Now on to juries and the rest of finals.
:P


BUT perhaps the biggest issue of my life has to be, yep you guessed the male species (and yes, they are a species). Beyond just the typical, "I wish I could understand what goes on in their brains," or "I don't know what to do about this one crush I have," my beef with males has to do with their behavior and especially towards women. I hate that you can't go out without a male deciding hey let me just go hit on her EVEN though she is with her girlfriends. OR better yet, after a male has successfully been graced with the opportunity to dance with the said girl, I hate how some guys decide that they also have the right to put their hands wherever they want...including down her pants. Come on now. I have to believe that we were all taught good manners as children and this is NOT what a courteous person would do. Please boys, keep your hands to yourself and learn how to treat girls properly..and who knows maybe you might be graced with the opportunity to do other things.....but only if you play your cards right.

-Z

Bad Life Choices...

I need to stop listening to people sometimes. So my bad life choice of the day has to be staying up really late the night before my practicum. Last night, I had Vespers rehearsal and then had to do homework till around 1:30 in the morning/night (whatever works for you). And though you know I should have gone to bed since I had my practicum at eight in the morning, did I? NO! The intelligent person that I am decided that the best idea was to go out and hang out with friends at SAE at one in the morning. When I finally did get home, I THEN decided to not go to bed because it would be "easier" than going to bed for only like fours hours or so. Big mistake! I definitely passed out in the middle of the movie The Devil Wears Prada and did not wake up till precisely 8:22 am. Words can't even begin to describe how much I was freaking out. Literally, I was on the verge of hyperventilating. Luckily, my roommate (love this girl) had her keys to her car ready to go and even wrote out directions for me, just in case. Never in my life have I been so thankful to another person and to fate, karma, God, whoever because I DID make it on time and got to teach and observe and everything just worked out. The point of the story is this DO not pull an all-nighter if you have to get up early the next day and most definitely STAY in. Make good life choices...and you won't be like me.

Sincerely,

-Z

Picture of the Week

Today is just a picture today. So instead of talking so much and boring you...here's an image. Enjoy!

P.S. I found this here! Check it out...because it's truly inspiring.

Thinking....

I'm not sure how to describe my mood day. I'm not either happy, sad, or angry, or really any emotion persay. I guess you could say that I am content and more than this...I feel like this is right. To be honest, this past year and a half has been a struggle for me. When I was a senior in high school, everyone was so excited to leave and go to college, because back then college seemed so simple. You can choose your classes and wake up everyday at 11 am. Hell, you didn't even have to go to classes if you wished. But what they never told me was that college is one of the hardest and loneliest challenges you will ever face. 

I mean you come to college leaving everything behind--your friends, your family, your life---just to start completely fresh and chase after your dreams. You are expected to start over and learn to be independent because let's face it, mommy and daddy are no longer here to hold your hand and make sure you get up for class. No. It's all up to you now. And it's lonely. You don't have the comforts of home and being in a place with people you have known your entire life. Instead you are thrown into a completely new environment with people that you may of otherwise not known and from there it's up to you whether you sink or swim. And only you CAN do any of it.

On top this new environment though, perhaps the hardest part is having security. Coming from high school, I knew that I was talented and I didn't have to belief for myself, because others believed in me. Not to say that I didn't believe in myself, but I was always reassured that I was good enough and that I would succeed. However, being a college student, at least for me, rarely do I feel secure, especially in my major. Here, surrounded by other students who are just as passionate if not more passionate than me, there are times that I don't know if I am good enough. In fact, many times I feel that I'm not. I'm not a good enough singer, musician, student, just everything....I'm not good enough and there are so many students here that are better than me. Yet, I still keep at. Even if at times I feel like the whole world is against me and that I am insane to keep going. I do it. But, still it has been hard to keep going and push through it. However, the point is not so much that college has been hard because it is college after all. The point is what I have come to live for. What made this all worthwhile in the end is the few days where everything just seems to come together perfectly. And today was one of those days.

Today I was told by one of my professors that she loved reading my reflections because she could see how much I care about my students and how I am concerned in getting my students to learn to love or at least appreciate music. And because of this, she said that I was going to be a great teacher. Sometimes it is nice to know that all of this is worth it. That all these struggles, all my doubts, all those sleepless nights actually mean something. It is nice to be assured, when often you are just told what you need to improve upon or fix about yourself. I struggle with thinking that I will be a good teacher, and that this is all worth it and most importantly, the right thing for me. But not today. Just for today, I know that this is all worth it and that this is what I am meant to do. So I guess what I am trying to say from all this reflection is that don't give up. If any of you who are reading this are like me and have doubts, be strong because it will all end well. You'll see. Just hold on tight to your dreams and keep pushing, because this is all a test and when you reach the top of that mountain there's a glorious sunrise waiting for you. And if my words aren't enough Shel Silverstein's should suffice.





-Z